Why my mum? This simple question has haunted me for a long time, especially during moments when I felt hurt, confused, or overwhelmed by her actions and words. As I reflect on our relationship, I find myself asking this question repeatedly, trying to understand the reasons behind her behavior and the choices she makes. Mothers are often seen as the ultimate caregivers, the ones who love unconditionally and support us through every challenge. Yet, sometimes, their actions can feel distant, hurtful, or incomprehensible, leading us to wonder, “Why my mum?”
Growing up, I looked up to my mother as my protector and guide. I relied on her for comfort during difficult times and sought her advice when I was unsure of myself. However, as I navigated adolescence and young adulthood, I started noticing cracks in that image. There were moments when she would dismiss my feelings, criticize my decisions, or act in ways that seemed to lack understanding or empathy. These moments left me questioning her motives and, more importantly, questioning her love for me.
One of the reasons I often ask, “Why my mum?” is because I struggle to reconcile her love with her mistakes. She is human, after all, with her own fears, insecurities, and past experiences shaping her actions. Sometimes, her stress or worries spill over, making her seem harsh or distant. I realize that her behavior may stem from her own struggles, which I may not fully understand. Still, the pain of feeling misunderstood or neglected by someone I love deeply is hard to bear.
Moreover, I wonder if her actions are influenced by societal expectations or cultural norms that she grew up with. Perhaps she was taught to be strict, to prioritize discipline, or to hide her emotions. These ingrained beliefs might cause her to act in ways that seem cold or unkind, even if her intentions are not malicious. Understanding this context helps me to see her in a different light, but it doesn’t always ease the emotional impact when I feel hurt.
Despite these questions and doubts, I also recognize moments of love and kindness from my mum. Those moments remind me that she cares, even if her ways of expressing love are different from mine. Sometimes, she shows her affection through actions rather than words, through sacrifices she makes or the small gestures that go unnoticed. These glimpses of her love make me wonder if my question should be more about understanding rather than questioning.
Ultimately, asking “Why my mum?” is part of my journey to understand her better, to accept her flaws and imperfections, and to appreciate the complexity of our relationship. It’s a question that reflects my desire for clarity, healing, and connection. I know that no mother is perfect, and I am learning to accept her for who she is — just as I am learning to understand myself better.
In the end, I hope that someday I will find peace with my questions, and perhaps, I will realize that love is not about finding perfect answers but about embracing the imperfect, beautiful reality of our relationship.
